Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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