i don't like sucking hair
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
