Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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