Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
