You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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