I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
