um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
