she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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