I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
