Having a random hookup so left but love u
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
