i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
