Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
