The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
