He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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