I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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