I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
