well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
