Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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