I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
