this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
