I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
two words: eviction party
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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