He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
