HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
