At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
