My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
