Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
