Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
