im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
