either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
