U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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