so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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