____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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