Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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