you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she smelled like a LAN party
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
