so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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