Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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