come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
