duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You made out with two different species that night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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