Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
