I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
