12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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