Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
