I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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