you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
