pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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