I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
