I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
