its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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