I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
