I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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