I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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