No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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