I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
