I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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