If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
