he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
