just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Terrible idea I love it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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