In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
