Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
