Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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